Love is Everything.

Irony at its finest.

I see a picture of you and your daughter with the caption "Love is Everything".
THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.

Love is everything. Everything to me. Everything I want in life.
You have your daughter when times get rough. You have a purpose in life. You have the life I want.
You have everything I want. I have accepted your mistakes, your flaws. I have accepted your daughter (now daughters) and I have never once asked you to put them before me. So when you said that last night, it broke me. I have done nothing but love you and love you for the person you are and for the mistakes you have made. What else am I suppose to do? You know I have never once come between you and your daughter. All I've asked for is love.

When will I be enough for you? When will my efforts be acknowledged and my love accepted? I have waited and waited, and my love for you has grown, but not without consequence. I am broken. I am a wreck. I am never going to be the person I want to be. Loving you has been the easiest and hardest thing I have ever chosen to do in my life. I am a strong person, but sometimes I wonder if I am confusing strong with stupid. Stupid for falling for an unavailable man. Stupid for putting more into the relationship than I could ever imagine getting back. stupid for thinking my life is better with you. That last statement is a rough one for me. Is my life better with you? I think yes. But looking at it logically, probably no.

Am I stupid enough to let this continue? Am I really that weak? I like to think no. But I know what is wrong in my life but I am not strong enough or willing to change it. I simply don't know what to do without you. But life with you is a struggle every day.

So I've reached this breaking point. I have fucked up enough when it comes to you. I can't keep doing this the way I have been. His life is the life I want but the life I can't have. I have decided to let him go-as best I can. This isn't easy for me. This isn't going to be simple. I've cried more the last week than I have in the past 3 months. But this is something I have to do. I told him that he can call me when he wants to hang out and I'll let him be. So far.. its been 24 hours and I am miserable. But the first couple days are always the hardest. I think I can do this. I have to do this.