Crying everyday. Thinking about you daily. I can't give you up.
This isn't normal right?
Not everyone cries daily? Or thinks about the word "suicide", right?
Maybe I'm crazy. No, wait. I am crazy.
Maybe I'm anxious. No, wait. I am anxious.
Maybe I'm not worth enough. No, wait. I never was.
I'm to the point where I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle the thoughts in my head. I drive around crying, aimlessly wandering, hoping I'll find me way.
I sit in the floor, crying as I think about all the things I wish my life was. How I realize I have no friends. I have no one. No friends. No lovers. Nobody who cares. I am alone.
I've never felt as alone as I do now.
I am not good enough for any person to love. For any person to want to be with me. For any person to even talk to me. I am nothing.
Death. Death is something I think about. Probably too often. The emotional pain I suffer has turned into physical pains that are so overwhelming I don't quite know what to do. I don't know how to tell anyone or who even to tell. I've hinted at this to friends--but they are so self absorbed in their own life, they fail to recognize the sadness.
It's a daily struggle to get out of bed, to make it through the day, to act like I am alive. Because I am not. I am dead inside. I am broken, I am wounded, and I am destroyed. I can't be fix. No glue or duct tape can fix the pieces I am in. I am worthless. Hopeless. Not worth anyones time.
I am incapable of loving and of being loved. I don't deserve to have anyone care for me.
I am a screw up. I am a fuck up. I don't deserve to be alive.
I can't do this anymore. The pain is too much. I don't know what to do. I can't live like this. I can't suffer this pain any longer.
My life isn't worth it. I am nothing.
