bitter is better

STORY OF MY LIFE. I have a terrible terrible habit of letting the past really effect my present and future. Every guy I've talked to since I was cheated on has had to feel the wrath of my clingy-ness and inability to trust any specimen of the male race. Thanks a lot past boyfriends. I mean, it's not the new guys fault that I am insecure, question every  little detail or that I just simply want to be the center of your world. That's not crazy, right? Definitely not. It's not the guys fault-I don't blame them- I wouldn't want to put up with me either. 

So why do I cling on to the past so tightly? Death grip would be an understatement. I just want to hold on to something that's real and have someone who doesn't care if I leave a few little scratch marks along the way. That really isn't too much to ask. 

 So basically, I gotta let go of the past. but that is way easier said than done. Especially when you are still emotionally falling for one of those "screw ups" from your past. I wish I could just simply move on from him. Forgive him and move on with my life. It's the only way I'll be able to have be happy in the future, but I just don't think I can let go. 
  
This post is COMPLETELY random, but I just had a visit from this certain someone-and mind you-he is in a very tricky situation in his life right now which should prevent me from wanting him even the slightest bit-but the story of my life. I want to fix everyone and  every problem in the world. I joke about saving every homeless person and orphan baby in the world. But joke or not-I'd do it if I could. 

Lesson learned tonight: forgive. get better not bitter.
Maybe someday I'll learn.. maybe.

xoxo
hopefully hopeless 

Just Keep on Givin'

Day 1: Karma is a bitch, just make sure that bitch is beautiful (thanks Lil Wayne for those inspiring words)

Yep, Karma is definitely a bitch. Or at least I hope it is.
I guess the purpose of this blog is to give me an outlet from reality. An outlet from when I want to text a certain someone (or someones), to keep me from dialing those numbers I know I'll regret and maybe even just an outlet for me to bitch. (Yeah, I think the last reason is more accurate)

Back story: I have the world's WORST timing. In life, in relationships, in love. My life clock is permanently set at stupid. Stupid thoughts, stupid people, stupid reality checks. I like to think I'm a good person.. that I have good Karma. That I put out good "energy vibes" or have a good color "aura" around me, but apparently not? I guess the only thing that helps me is the thought that Karma is a bitch, right? Let's hope so. For your sake and mine.

So I tend to listen to Hip-Hop/Rap/R&B most of the time (sorry for all you Adele lovers.. my life is depressing enough without her). And one of my favorite lines recently can be accredited to Lil Wayne and his song She Will ft. Drake. The line states, "Karma is a bitch, well just make sure that bitch is beautiful". Speak it Wayne!

 So what does that really mean? Psh my first thought is, if you're gonna cheat on your girl, that bitch better be a 10. But I guess it could have other meanings, right? Like maybe if you are thinking of doing something you know is wrong-it better be worth it!

Unfortunately, I'm starting to think Karma doesn't exist. All the dumb dumb dumb men who have done me wrong seem to have their lives all together, all happy and in love (with someone or themselves). So how is that okay?? I was the one who was cheated on, dumped, and emotionally abused! How am I the one who is dealing with shitty luck and terrible timing in my love life!??? Someone please explain this to me?

Why can't I be a bitch?? Why can't I be the one who decides to eff over another person for my own benefit? Sounds like a great idea, right? Wrong. I just keep on giving and giving and nothing seems to come back to me in return, nothing of any worth at least. I just don't' know sometimes. For the sake of my insanity and faith in humanity, Karma better be a mf-ing bitch.

love,
still hopefully hopeless